[三册]双关语
Puns
Three tomatoes are walking down the street, a poppa tomato, a momma tomato, and a little baby tomato. The baby tomato is lagging behind the poppa and momma tomato. The poppa tomato gets mad, goes over to the momma tomato and stamps on him --
(STAMPS on the ground)
-- and says: catch up.
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There once was a very large lady in our town. She wore a dress size 16. I knew her when she was young, but she had a much smaller size.
Why do you think she is now wearing a size 16?
I guess she just 8 + 8 (ate and ate).
Submitted by David Trimingham
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A man wanting to borrow another man's newspaper asks, "Are you finishe(d)?"
The other man replies, "No, I'm Norwegian."
Submitted by Aleksander Eriksen
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I was arrested at the airport. Just because I was greeting my cousin Jack!
All that I said was "Hi Jack", but very loud.
Submitted by Carcelli's family
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A woman was driving in her car on a narrow road. She was knitting at the same time, so she was driving very slowly.
A man came up from behind and he wanted to pass her. He opened the window and yelled, "Pull over! Pull over!"
The lady yelled back, "No, it's a sweater!"
Submitted by: Britt Bolving Hansen
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Two friends meet and one of them says:"I've taught my dog how to speak English!"
"That's impossible", says the other man."Dogs don't speak!"
"It's true! I'll show you." He turns to his dog, "How's the situation in England?"
The dog answers: "Rough, rough."
Submitted by: Alexandra Pedro
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One day an English grammar teacher was looking ill.
A student asked, "What's the matter?"
"Tense," answered the teacher, describing how he felt.
The student paused, then continued, "What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter... ?"
Submitted by: Fredric
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Teacher: Rumiko, be careful your purse is open. Someone might take your money!
Rumiko: Oh, no. I left it open so I can get more money.
Teacher: How can you get more money?
Rumiko: The weather report said we would have some change in our weather!
Submitted by Walter Lowe, aka "Anonymouse"
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Boyfriend: What is your favorite music group?
Girlfriend: I love U2!
Boyfriend: I love you too, but what is your favorite music group?
Submitted by Phyllis
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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "So what's with the long face?"
Submitted by Joe Cohen Sped Teacher
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I hear this new cemetry is very popular. People are just dying to get in.
Submitted by Glen Ash
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One day a man went to see the Mozart's tomb.
When he got there, the tomb was open and Mozart was sitting there tearing up pieces of paper.
The men asked: "What are you doing with all of your great works of music?"
Mozart repied, "I'm decomposing!".
Submitted by Marcia Villasana
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There is this man who meets a fairy. He is granted three wishes. Having wished for his most urgent needs the man uses his third wish to ask the fairy to return and give him three more wishes.
The fairy complies and says: "You can call me whenever you want."
"How can I call you. Please tell me your name." the man says.
"My name is Nuff," says the fairy.
"Well", says the man "That is an odd name. I have never heard of it before."
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